Five Mom Hacks, So You Don’t Lose Your Damn Mind
Dear Wild Heart,
Sometimes, it feels nearly impossible to keep up with all the demands that come with being a mom. And it can feel pretty isolating when you think you are the only person who didn’t get the manual. I remember dropping my son off in the car line and seeing moms with perfectly curled hair flanking their perfectly made up faces, all perched on top of the trendiest outfits. They’d parade their perfection around their car as they went to get their equally flawless offspring out of the car and off to school, probably with a Pinterest worthy lunch packed.
“Do they wake up at 3 am to get ready?” I’d think to myself, looking at my messy bun, makeup free face, and hoodie in the mirror.
I never cracked the perfect mommy code. Honestly, I called it a win when I got my kid to school on time, fully clothed, fed, & teeth brushed. This was a win because in addition to getting him to school on time, I was juggling all the other things that go along with raising a kid in this era:
Keeping track of no school days and what I would do for child care.
Managing the project of ensuring he would have somewhere to be during the 9 weeks of summer, including the last two weeks when no summer camps are available.
Signing up for some sort of school volunteer work because it was expected from his school that a parent dedicate x amount of hours in service.
Coordinating any extracurricular activities.
Packing a healthy lunch and snack and tracking down his ever disappearing lunch box.
And that was all before he started getting assigned homework…
“I can’t do it all.” Was a ticker tape running through my mind on the daily. It just felt like I was keeping plates spinning. And sometimes they would fall. Cue the mom-guilt.
Now my son is in 8th grade and I just received a text message from another mom reminding me of the parent call for the class trip to Italy on Thursday. “Italy?? Did I miss something?” I texted her. She then sent me some screenshots of an email I did in fact miss. Apparently there IS a class trip to Italy. Oh and it’s super pricey, there is limited space, and you have to apply to be a part of it. Yay.
It’s a full-time job with loads of overtime being a mom today. And then you also have to somehow work in a way to make money to afford the runaround it takes to raise a kid. Couple this with what we go through as our own separate beings and things can quickly feel overwhelming. Things like depression or anxiety, relationship or health issues, blurred lines between work and life, and the fact that the cost of groceries has tripled but paychecks haven’t.
Although things might feel hard right now for parents, I don’t think this is a new phenomena. I think every era has its own source of stress and struggle. I think the real suffering comes in fronting like we all have our shit together when others are around and then falling apart as soon as the door shuts. You look at social media and see the best of everyone’s lives and forget that they have loads of crappy days too.
We need authentic community. So you can share your guilt about being the parent of the kid wearing a red shirt in a sea of white shirts for their school concert because you missed the email (yes this is me), and someone can say “I get it, this sh*t is hard.”
I think it’s interesting that we still hold fast to this idea of rugged individualism in this country when it’s that exact prescribed way of living that keeps us feeling miserable. If we continue to pretend all the time like everything is awesome, we never get the chance to really connect with our peers. It’s this connection and vulnerability that helps us feel a little less alone and opens us up for the much needed support of raising kids without losing your damn mind.
…
Here are Five Mom Hacks, So You Don’t Lose Your Damn Mind:
When things are hard, don’t gaslight yourself: Acknowledge it, feel the feels, then shift.
Forgive yourself for being human: Being a human is messy, silly, and absurd at times.
Connect and be real with other parents: Support them and be open to receiving support.
Let yourself half-ass some things: Not every dinner has to be a production & it’s okay if there are dishes in the sink sometimes.
Stop comparing your insides to others’ outsides: What you see: her perfect hair & makeup, what you don’t see: her debilitating anxiety that stems from the perfectionism that was planted in her from her hypercritical mother.
Pro Tip: Have more fun, on purpose.
Benefits of prioritizing play & active joy creation include:
Keeps you functional when under stress & relieves stress.
Increases energy and prevents burnout.
Increases creativity and innovation.
Creates clarity and focus.
Helps you see problems in new ways.
Improves overall brain function.
It is contagious and also attracts other people operating at that same frequency
I wish you sanity and serenity mama.
xo - k